Of Chocolate-Chip Cookies and Moonlit Epiphanies
by TheChasm
Summary: It's past midnight and Lily is stargazing (or moongazing really) in the common room. She's surprised to find Remus Lupin also awake, and they have a conversation under the nearly-full moon. But Remus has a secret, and nobody ever said Lily Evans wasn't curious... One-shot.


**Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.**

**A/N: I got the idea for this story when I was reading from Lily/Remus friendship fics; I imagine that in their school days, their relationship was close but hampered by Remus's reluctance to trust. I also wondered exactly how Lily found out about his lycanthropy. The result was this one-shot, which I'm fairly pleased with. I hope you enjoy!**

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**Of Chocolate-Chip Cookies and Moonlit Epiphanies**

The moon was round and swollen, dominating the sky like rather like Professor Slughorn, Lily thought. Or maybe not: while Slughorn was plump, blustering and genial, the moon retained some pearly grace that quite took her breath away. And it was so _bright_.

She drew her knees up to her chest, gazing out of the window like one possessed. It was past midnight and the common room was completely empty. Lily was in her nightclothes, sitting on the window-seat. "You _are _possessed," Mary would snort if she could see her. But Mary did not understand the magic of the moonlight, or the fact that the stars seemed to be calling her away from her warm bed and down to the deserted common room.

"You know," said a voice from behind her, "I used to think it was beautiful."

Lily did not turn. Not yet. Her eyes were tracing the patterns that the stars made, drinking in the healing power of the moon, and she wanted it to herself for a little while longer. Because she had to speak, though, she answered with a dreamy, "The moon is especially nice when it's full, don't you think? Like tonight."

The person laughed: a harsh, racking sound. "Not tonight, Lily," whoever it was said with just a trace of bitterness. "It'll be full tomorrow."

Lily turned round, startled by the laugh. Standing just behind her was Remus Lupin. She was about to exclaim in surprise when she saw what he looked like and her shock turned to dismay. He looked as emaciated as if he hadn't eaten for a week (and now that Lily thought about it, she did remember him toying with his food today) and there were dark circles under his eyes, which were feverishly bright. He was very pale except for his flushed cheeks, clad in only a nightshirt, and holding, of all things, a plate of chocolate-chip cookies.

"Remus, are you all right?" Lily asked. "You don't look well at all. Maybe you should go to Madam Pomfrey."

Remus shook his head and gave her a tiny smile. "I'll be fine soon," he assured her. "I'm just tired. D'you want a cookie?" He looked almost panicked, so Lily accepted the offer and patted the window seat, inviting him up.

Once he was perched opposite her with his cheek against the window and his knees mirroring hers, she smiled. "You first, then. What on earth are you doing up at this hour?"

Remus shrugged. "I couldn't sleep, so I decided to go wandering. The others will be shocked when they find out that I was breaking curfew – and _alone_, too. They'll come up with some mad theory to explain it, most likely involving Flobberworms, Sirius's hair, Snape and the Imperius Curse."

Lily couldn't help but snort. "I feel sorry for you, having to spend all your time with those lunatics. But where did the cookies come from?"

Remus smirked. "Lily, I'm a _Marauder_. I have my ways."

"You're different, though," Lily protested, taking another cookie off the plate. "You never bully Sev the way the rest of them do, and you're smart and a hard worker and actually, genuinely _nice_."

"I'm flattered," Remus told her. "But you're wrong. I never stop the bullying either, and James and Sirius are brighter than I am and they get good marks without actually needing to work. And if you knew –" He turned his face away from her quickly; his voice seemed to have broken. After a moment, he continued speaking in steadier tones. "If you knew what they're doing for me, what they've already done, you'd agree that they are the kindest and most loyal and _best_ friends you could ever find. They've helped me so much, Lily."

"Really?" Lily asked disbelievingly. "Potter, Black and Pettigrew, do something nice? What was it?"

"They didn't hate me."

Lily almost laughed. "You take that as the measure of a good friend? Remus, you need to talk to more people."

"You don't understand," Remus sighed. "Even after they found out my secret, they didn't hate me. They're trying to help me with it. Nobody's ever done that before – I'd never had _friends_ before I came to Hogwarts, forget about friends like them."

Lily couldn't help but feel a little shocked. She and Remus had a tentative sort of friendship, but he was never this open with her. Last year, she'd demanded that he just trust her a bit more. He'd responded by telling her that he had a secret that she couldn't help him with, and the sadness in his eyes had been so palpable that she'd stopped shouting and instead told him that she understood and she'd be there when he needed her.

She didn't understand though, not really. What she knew was that since he'd made friends with the Marauders, Remus had changed from the small, silent child to a confident teenager who knew how to smile. She supposed that it took a good friend to do that to him.

"So," Remus said at last, breaking the silence, "how are you finding fourth-year work?"

She shrugged noncommittally. "Fairly easy, I suppose." They lapsed back into a comfortable quiet as they nibbled their cookies, staring out of the window at the light of the moon that wasn't quite full.

The bright light had thrown Remus's thin hands and hollow cheeks into sharp relief, and Lily shivered. She had seen ghosts who looked healthier than this. Most people had long ago accepted that there was something strange about that Lupin boy, who was quiet and studious and also one of Hogwarts' most popular students; who laughed like he belonged but whose smiles were always tinged with mystery. He was a paradox, and Lily had decided that she would solve it.

Right now, though, he was just a frail, ill boy gazing at the moon with glints of amber in his golden-brown eyes. The expression on his face was strange: half a desperate sort of yearning, and half unimaginable hatred.

Because he was starting to scare her, Lily asked him, "How's your mother, Remus? Any better?"

His eyes snapped back to her as his body stilled. Clearly with some effort, he said, "Not much. I've got to visit her tomorrow."

"I'm sorry."

"Thank you," he answered. He looked for a moment as if he was about to say something more, but then he seemed to think better of it.

"I stand by what I said last year, you know," Lily told him. "When you feel like talking to me – about your mum, or your secret, or anything that's bothering you – I'm here."

He flashed her a grateful smile. "You're a great friend, Lily. I'm sorry I can't be more honest with you."

"It's okay," Lily answered. "Just remember what I said."

Remus smiled again and leaned his head back against the cool window. He really did look ill, Lily thought. She could recognise a fever when she saw one: Remus's eyes were overbright, his cheeks were still flushed and he was shivering, even in the warm September night. If Lily had seen him in the daytime, her maternal instincts would have taken over and she would have ordered him to bed at once.

But everything is different in the moonlight.

Remus was watching her steadily, a smile playing about his lips, and Lily had the disturbing impression that the golden-brown eyes could see exactly what she was thinking.

"What do you think about James?" he asked abruptly.

Lily glanced at him, but he seemed to be genuinely curious. "You want an honest answer? I think he's an arrogant jerk."

Remus laughed. "He really likes you, you know."

"As if," Lily said primly. "He only wants me to go out with him because I'm the one girl who refuses him. It's the thrill of the chase."

"But that's what I'm trying to tell you," Remus said earnestly. "It's _not_ just the chase – he really, actually likes you. I think you should give him a chance."

"In his dreams," Lily said, tossing her head. She didn't particularly want to have this conversation, but if it cheered Remus up she supposed it was worth it.

Remus sighed. "He's a good person, Lily."

"I'll believe that when I see proof," Lily answered scornfully. "In other words, when hell freezes over."

Remus rolled his eyes and looked about to say something when he was interrupted by a crash from the stairs leading to the boys' dorms.

"Get _off_ my _foot_, Padfoot."

"Don't shove me then!"

"If you didn't want me to, you shouldn't have dragged me out of bed in the middle of the night."

"It's your fault Moony's missing in the first place."

Lily glanced at Remus, who sighed.

"My fault? How is it my fault?"

"Oh, I don't know… maybe because you fell asleep in the middle of your watch?"

"Sarcasm isn't a good look on you, Pads. You need some brain to be able to pull it off."

"I'm substituting for Moony. He's the Sarcastic Marauder 'round here. Speaking of which… MOONY!"

"I'm here, Padfoot," Remus called, raising his head.

Potter and Black appeared at the foot of the spiral staircase, both with maddeningly wide grins on their faces.

"So," Remus said, crossing his arms. "What's all this about a watch?"

Black opened his mouth to speak when Potter caught sight of Lily. "Oi, Moony, you been chatting up my girl?"

Lily narrowed her eyes. "I am not _your girl_, Potter," she said icily. "I do not _belong_ to anyone."

He smirked. "You know you want to, though, Evans. Go out with me?"

Lily turned to Remus with a look of exasperation. "See what I mean?" she hissed.

Remus stared at her for a moment before starting to laugh. Nothing she had said had been particularly funny, but Remus began to laugh harder and harder, until he choked on his cookie. He looked hysterical.

"Remus!" Black ran over to him, pulling him off the window seat and supporting him when his knees gave out.

Lily raised her eyebrows. Then, to her shock, _Potter_ turned on her.

"What did you do to him?" he demanded.

"Do to him?" Lily repeated. "I didn't do anything. We were just talking."

Potter glared at her for a moment before turning to the other two boys. Remus had calmed down, but he looked weak and pale and leaning on Black for support. Black didn't complain. As Potter approached them, the three broke into a frenzied, whispered discussion. Lily could hear small, cryptic fragments of the conversation.

"Never this early."

"You _idiot_, what are you doing out of bed?"

"Look at him; he's dead on his feet."

"The sooner we finish the better…"

"I've been doing this for almost nine years, I can take care of myself."

"Still eighteen hours to go."

"Maybe if I didn't have to deal with you two maniacs all the time…"

"He's running on adrenaline."

"For Merlin's sake, I'm not a _child_ and I don't need you three to take care of me!"

"Moony, please. You need all the energy you can get."

"Remus," Lily ventured, "I don't mean to interfere, but you do look feverish. Perhaps you should get some rest."

"See?" Potter said triumphantly. "Listen to Evans."

Remus sighed again. As his friends began to herd him up the stairs, he gave her an apologetic smile. "Sorry about these two idiots; they think I'm too fragile to walk down a flight of stairs without killing myself. Are you going to bed as well?"

"In a while," Lily told him. "I'll stargaze for a bit longer first."

"Well, good night, then," he answered, swaying slightly on his feet. He seemed to notice her look of concern, because he gave her a crooked grin. "Keep the cookies."

And just like that he was gone, his friends' arms around his shoulders as if they were afraid that he would faint.

Lily stared after them, working through the puzzle in her head. Her gaze was caught by the bright, round moon outside.

_"Not tonight, Lily. It'll be full tomorrow."_

_"I've got to visit her again tomorrow."_

_They call him Moony…_

_"Eighteen hours to go."_

_"Even after they found out my secret, they didn't hate me."_

_ Around the time that he goes home to see his mother, he always looks pale and ill…_

_"You can't help me with it. Nobody can."_

Tomorrow, Lily wagered, Remus's friends would treat him even more protectively than they had just now. They'd cluster around him at meals, forcing him to eat something. They'd carry his school bag and take notes for him in class, and woe betide anyone who so much as glared at him.

Tomorrow, he would look even more ghostlike than he had just now. The distress would grow and grow in his wide golden-brown eyes, and his hands would shake when he tried to so much as lift his quill. Then he'd disappear, taking some of the worry from the other three Marauders' faces.

And when he returned a few days later, he'd be thin and wan, perhaps with a scar running across his collarbone or favouring his left leg.

When Lily thought about it, it was so _obvious_. She turned away from the staircase, back to the smooth pearl that hung in the star-speckled sky, and the first time she saw it the way Remus did. Beautiful, but evil, too.

Her lips moved involuntarily, spelling out her discovery.

_Werewolf._

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**A/N: Reviews are almost as good as chocolate-chip cookies ;)**

**~Butterfly**


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